On our way home from church this past Sunday my I was searching through my husband and I’s old music that he had compiled on a new device he set up for when we were in the car. It had all this old music I hadn’t heard in years. As I was going through the music I came across an old favorite of mine and played it for everyone. It was “All My Tears” sung by Emmy Lou Harris. I flashed back to myself singing this song over and over again in my room as a young woman before I was married.
I told my husband that I wanted this song played at my funeral, it’s just so perfect. And in my heart I made plans to record it the next time I sat down to record. I wanted to leave it behind for my children so they’d have a recording of my voice comforting them, it just seemed to make sense to me.
I didn’t realize a few days later I myself would be losing my Dad so suddenly. Dad had been a very healthy, lively, and active person his entire life. The only time he had gone to a hospital was when he was in a motorcycle accident as a teen. He rarely got sick, but had started not feeling well around his birthday in May. He spent about a week in the hospital in June.
We all expected him to just recover and bounce back. But on July 14th he just died very suddenly. It doesn’t feel real, and I still don’t completely believe it.
And so, for what it’s worth, here’s my favorite funeral song Dad. I thought I was covering it for my own funeral. I’m thankful for the comforting words right now though.
I’m sorry I didn’t call the other day and talk to you when God nudged me multiple times. I know that you love me though, so I won’t cry about it too much. I still treasure that time you told me “Well Emily, it’s been an honor.” Right before you walked me down the aisle to be married. I felt like it was the voice of God right then. Because only God says things so full of Grace like that. It was like the time that Grandpa George said, “Who’s the most beautiful girl in the world?” Over and over until he had taught me to respond that, “I was.”
I love you Dad, until we meet again in a place where there are no tears.